You're Not You
by sngsngsnyrslp
Summary: Gale's self-medicating to deal with the horrors he's faced in the war is ruining his relationship with his wife, Madge.
1. You Promised

**I own nothing!**

**I was inspired by Jimmy Eat World's "Drugs or Me." **

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As she exits the shopping mall, she feels optimistic about the rest of her day. He was definitely going to die of excitement when he saw what she had bought. She just couldn't wait to see the look on his face. Even though he missed her doctor's appointment, her mood is too good to be ruined. The drive to their house takes too long, the excitement bubbling in her.

But it's not going to end well, and she can feel that the second she enters into the house. Something is off, just not right. "Gale?" She asks into the air. It's not until she stops to place the shopping bags in her hands down on the couch in the living room and hears the all too familiar sound of glass clinking against something that she knows why she everything feels so wrong. Hidden behind the pillow is an empty bottle.

When she walks up the stairs, her ears pick up the sounds of a loud television set, and she can smell smoke.

"Hi," he states succinctly upon her entrance. He is smart enough to know that she will be able to tell that he's been drinking based solely off of his voice. Even with one drink she can tell, it really is quite remarkable.

"What are you doing smoking in our room?"

"Hanging out," he replies keeping his words at the bare minimum. He blows the smoke out of the window adjacent to him.

She was trying to be strong, hold her ground. This was always the strategy she exercised. The strong woman of the household fighting for her family, but this time she couldn't. She can't keep living like this. Her feet lead her out of the room, it's not healthy for her to stand around in the cigarette filled room, though it's not exactly healthy for him either.

When she drops to the ground, Gale can hear the thump and quickly races toward her, throwing his cigarette out the window. She doesn't help him when he falters and falls.

Her face is in her face, and she can't help herself from bawling in them. "You promised!" She's wailing and clutching her stomach. "Do you not see this? Do you not realize what this means?"

His eyes fall to her stomach, the baby bump is small but more prevalent than it had been in the last month. She was four months pregnant now. He knows where he's supposed to be, on that damn metaphorical wagon, staying sober for him, for _them_. But every time he closes his eyes, he sees his platoon dying. Every goddamn time. He can't escape it. Most of the time when Madge is around he can fight away his demons, but she can't always be around him. Before she worked for the grief counseling center and before they got married, when he was first discharged from the military, she had the time to be with him for the most part.

When she sees him she thinks she's a failure. Her life's work is to guide people through their grief, but she can't even help her own husband. "I wish you could see what you look like from my point of view, Gale. I really wish you did. You wouldn't do this to us then. You wouldn't." Tears are falling from her eyes freely. There's no use pretending that she's not upset. "This isn't the man I married."

All he can do is blankly stare at her because he knows. He knows he's pathetic. In his youth he always criticized Haymitch Abernathy for his drinking, and swore he would never turn out like that. Look at him now. Drunkenly trying to comfort his pregnant crying wife.

"Don't touch me!" She wails as his arms try to wrap themselves around hers. The reaction she has to his touch breaks his heart.

"Madge." She refuses to look at him. "Madge," he repeats.

Her face appears from her hands. "What, Gale? You're sorry? You're really done this time? You promise it too right?" He can't respond. He knows that he's said it before. "Right?" She screams. This time she lets him hold her as she sobs into his shirt.

In between I'm sorries, "I need your help," he whispers into her hair.

She doesn't respond though, she just continues bawling.

"Why aren't we enough?" She whimpers out. If he wasn't right next to her he would've missed it.

Again, he is left speechless. They are enough. They are more than enough. But he can't. Everything hurts and he can't stand living life without self medication.

When they lie in bed at the end of the night, he still has a small buzz, but not enough to slur his speech. At about two in the morning he can hear her silently sobbing into her pillow. He doesn't hesitate to spoon with her moving his face into the nape of her neck or to put his hand up her nightgown rubbing her belly. While she silently repeats "You promised" between sobs, he begins to silently apologize though he knows it will never be enough. Not for her and definitely not for their child.

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**Should I continue?**


	2. A Letter

When Gale awoke that morning, the sun was burning his eyes and the side where his wife should be was empty. Normally he wouldn't have thought twice about. Madge always woke up before him when he was drinking the night before. In fact, he was sure most of the population woke up before he did when he was hung over. But there was tenseness in the air, an uneasiness that had never been there before. Yes, Madge would be upset, furious even. And that was understandable. There was nothing he could say to defend himself. This had happened too many times and now that the baby was on the way, their relationship wasn't just on the line. Their child's life was going to be affected by his drinking.

Slowly but surely he got himself down the stairs, moving his way around the piano when his eye caught on something. Gale looked over at the sheet music on the piano, he normally wouldn't have. The sheet music just looked like writing in a foreign language to him. There wasn't sheet music on the stand though; it was a letter and next to it was a glass of water with two pills beside it.

Nervously, he grabbed the letter and began to read the small loopy handwriting he knew to be none other than his wife's.

Dear Gale,

I'm sure by now you've realized that I'm not home, which isn't too uncommon when you've been drinking. The only difference this time is that I'm not going to be home anytime soon.

I've gone to visit Peeta and Katniss, I'll probably stop by with your family as well. Don't worry I won't tell your mother anything. The last time I did that, I'm sure you remember, ended badly and with a huge fight. It wasn't my place to tell your mother then and it isn't now. So now even though I'm desperate I will keep that information to myself.

I don't want to fight with you anymore. It's exhausting. And now with the baby on the way I'm just so exhausted all of the time. It's just not good for the baby or me.

I want you to fight. For your son. For your wife. But most of all for yourself.

I can't fight your demons for you Gale. If I could, I would. I would fight all of the demons that plague all of your thoughts and dreams.

I don't want to lose you to them.

I don't want to lose you at all. This drinking is awful for your health and I know you don't realize it yet because you function so well, but that won't last forever. It will catch up with you. Did you know that sometimes I have to wake you up in the middle of the night because you stop breathing? You start making these awful sounds, as if you're choking, and I have to shake you until you start breathing regularly again. It's the most frightening thing in the world. To think that I might lose you.

I used to blame you. At times, I even hated you.

I could understand not fighting for me, but for our son? He deserves better than this. You deserve better than this.

Oh I'm sorry, that's what I came home so excited about yesterday. We're having a boy. You're going to have a son. I bought this mahogany crib that I wanted us to build together, but that obviously isn't going to happen.

Maybe you can build it while I'm away? That would be nice.

I want you to get better, and I know you've tried before. But can you try again?

I will come back. I wouldn't leave you. It'd hurt far too much.

I just need some time to sort things out, and I think you need some too.

I love you Gale. I love you so much. More than you will ever know.

You're an amazing person. You're loyal and strong. You're so strong, Gale. But your addiction makes you weak. Something I never thought I would ever say about you.

I need you to be strong Gale. Our son needs you to be strong.

I'm sorry I had to go, but I hope it will make you see how serious I am about this, about your recovery.

I'd like to say that I wouldn't come back until you get better, but I don't think I'd survive without you. Even this broken Gale is better than no Gale at all. I feel like

I feel like I've become a kind of enabler for you, which is another reason why I thought it'd be best if I left.

But I won't be very long, but I wouldn't withhold our son from you, nor myself. You need us as much as we need you. So please? Fight.

Fight off your demons, Gale.

Your wife,

Madge Undersee

Gale didn't know what to think. He swallowed the pills left out for him and sat at the piano bench, not noticing that the letter had fallen from his fingers and was on the floor.

She's gone.

But Gale didn't want that. He needed her. That's what he told her last night. That he needed her to help him. Granted, he told her that every time, but that didn't make it any less true. She was his rock. His strength. His heart. Without her he was nothing. Absolutely nothing.

What could he say? That she didn't have a right to visit their friends and family?

But he didn't want to miss out on her growth. Ever since they had begun dating Gale had imagined their future together and part of that was her pregnant. He loved her pregnant. She was glowing. Gale had never thought it would be possible for her to be more beautiful than the day of their wedding, but somehow now with her flushed cheeks and rounded belly she topped even that day. It took his breath away sometimes. He didn't want to miss placing his hand on her belly, feeling their child kick. He wanted all of that. Though he knew he didn't deserve any of it, that didn't stop him from wanting all of it.

He searched the kitchen table for her car keys and brought crib into the house, placing it in the middle of the living room.

A crib.

For their baby.

For their son.


	3. Visitor

**Sorry for being such a bum when it comes to this story, with your words of encouragement I'm sure that could change. Wink Wink. **

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Chapter Three

She had only been gone thirty-six hours and the house already was in shambles and Gale himself was a wreck. He had gone into work the day after she left, only to find himself throwing up in his office's wastebasket. It had only been a few swigs of whatever liquor Madge hadn't sent down the drain, but on a completely empty stomach was enough. Gale hadn't eaten much since the day before Madge left, and hadn't particularly wanted to eat since.

So they had sent him home. He was no good to him, retching into his trashcan every five minutes.

The next day, he hadn't even bothered to go in. Madge would have yelled at him for wasting his sick days on a drinking binge. She would have been furious. The baby was coming in five months. His sick days were supposed to be saved until then, so he could help her during the adjustment period.

But now he couldn't help but wonder whether not he was even going to be there for the adjustment period. Was she going to come back before she gave birth? Would she deprive him of that? Experiencing the birth of his son. He knew he deserved it, but he couldn't help but want what he didn't deserve. Like his beautiful wife and their unborn son.

He clutched the brown bottle, filled with gin, and stared at the taupe wall of their living room. She had taken all of the decorating responsibilities for the house. Gale just had been the one to carry them out, though she tried to help. God bless her. She was just so goddamn short. Even on her tippy toes she could hardly reach anything. And her painting was streaky, but she tried and they had fun. As newlyweds they always had a great time together, but after he was deployed again, two years into their marriage, and returned physically unscathed everything went to hell.

Gale gave her a lot of credit. She had lasted three years without leaving, the way she left two days ago. He was hard to deal with. Hell, he was a lot to handle sober; he knew that. He had a temper, he was argumentative, and he never really considered anyone's feelings when he talked, he absolutely _never_ talked about his emotions, and he used drinking as a crutch. Madge had tried to get him to talk, but without a bottle in his hand he didn't want to. With a bottle in his hand, the stinging in his throat and the dulling of his senses and motor skills Gale could talk about anything and everything. That was the only reason Madge even knew why he drank in the first place, because of the drugs themselves had gotten him to talk. The first few times she had held him while he cried, cradling him in her soft yet strong arms, whispering sweet nothings against his skin. But after the first six months, the monthly binges became more and more frequent. He tried to quit for a while, when they got the news about the baby, so for that time they were a bit further apart. Happening perhaps every other week. He could see how it affected his wife. Every day she entered their home with tensed up shoulders, slowly walking up the stairs, watching out for him. And when she would see that he was sober, her shoulders would relax and she'd smile at him, giving him a kiss hello. But he couldn't. Behind his eyelids were the horrors of war. The blood. The gore. Gunshots filling the air. Watching a living person one moment and seeing a dead person fall the next one. Except the bodies didn't always belong to the enemy. They weren't always the Capitol scum, who were trying their hardest to limit your freedoms and take back what was "theirs." Sometimes it was the men and women in your platoon. The boy with the glasses, whose mother still does his laundry. The girl, who spent most of their off time with her head in a philosophy book. Plato would think… Well Plato can't think shit with a bullet in his brain. Too often it's the people you've spent the most time with, who know some of your deepest fears, and you theirs. Some barely adults, practically children, the same age as Vick.

Gale grabbed at the walls, trying to steady himself. The letter was still where she had left it, on the piano stand. Sitting at the piano bench, that held more memories than Gale could count while drunk. Madge was always playing for him, trying to give him the same escape she herself used. But it didn't work that way for him. He couldn't escape the hell that his mind had become.

He grabbed the letter. It was the only thing he could bring himself to do. Reread the letter over and over again. If he was sober, he could practically recite it word for word.

_Don't worry I won't tell your mother._

Right now, with the side of his bed empty, he would gladly accept his mother's knowledge of his state if only he could have her back at his side. That was one of the first things she had written. Is that what she thought of him? That he only thing he cared about was the way he was perceived by his mother? He knew that his mother knew that he had a problem. Perhaps she didn't know the extent of it, but of its existence she did know.

When his addiction was just beginning to pick up its pace Madge had called his mother. Claiming that she couldn't help him all by herself. That he needed the tough love that only a mother could give. Maybe she could talk some sense into him. In his drunken haze, he was sure he had apologized profusely, but in the light of day with the weight of his actions he was furious. He awoke on the couch that afternoon in a hung-over rage. It was none of his mother's business how he chose to live his life and it definitely wasn't Madge's place to inform her. He had told her all of this and more. He remembered how scared she looked while he scolded her. Holding herself as if she were bracing herself to be hit. At the time, it had stopped him in his tracks and he had dropped to his knees holding her. Under no circumstance would Gale ever strike his wife.

Gale stared at the signature of his wife.

_Madge Undersee._

She hadn't used her maiden name since they had gotten married. She hadn't even hyphenated her name. With their vows, she had simply become Margaret _Hawthorne._

In Gale's drunken state he was unable to fully examine the meaning behind her signature. The only thing he could do was clutch the letter in his hand cry. He was best able to share and express his emotions when he was inebriated, after all.

A loud knock came from the front door.

Slowly and clumsily, Gale got himself into a standing position and leaned against the walls that led to the front door. After a moment, he answered.

Blonde hair and blue eyes filled his senses.

However, it wasn't the same hair and eyes he was in need of.

"You are a fucking mess, my friend." Peeta Mellark pushed the door open wide enough for his self and bag to fit. He looked at his friend, a frown now on his face, "When is enough finally enough, Gale?"

The drunken mess stared back, eyes half lidded. "If I knew that, do you think my wife would have left me?"


	4. Phantom Pain

**Sorry the delay, went on a bit of a vacation, but I'm back now and hopefully will be updating the rest of my stories. Enjoy!**

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Chapter Four

With his forehead pressed against the cool maple of the kitchen table, Gale was trying his best to ignore the blonde baker, who was staring at him disapprovingly and disappointed from his place across the table. They had barely shared any words since Peeta's arrival. The baker had just followed him to the kitchen table where Gale had sat down and brought his head down, partially in shame, and the rest too soothe the spinning in his mind. Madge was the only other person to know about his problem, well other than his mother. It was no one's business other than his and those directly affected, like Madge herself. So yes, he was partially embarrassed. Even Gale didn't like showing others nothing but his best self.

"Why are you here?" Gale muttered begrudgingly.

Though he would never admit it, he was glad that Peeta was with him. He could only imagine the huge destructive turn he would have had if he had been left alone with his thoughts of his departed wife, their unborn child, and how it was his entire fault. Everything was always his fault.

"First, you should be happy I volunteered to come look after you." The baker's blue eyes bore into him. Gale turned away, still too drunk to be an offensive asshole.

He looked toward the window, into the backyard. "I'm not a child; I don't need anyone to look after me."

Peeta slammed his fist down onto the table. "Goddamnit Gale! Do you realize what you might lose? What you've risked by this stupid fucking vice? You have a beautiful wife, who happens to be one of the most amazing people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. And she's taken your shit for too long, frankly. And now you don't just have her either. You have a _son_ on the way. A baby. That is a lot of work and Madge should've have to take care of you too when her mind should be focused on the baby." The blonde gave Gale an uncharacteristic dirty look. "Do you know how lucky you are? I wish I could have the life you have. It took a huge push just to get Katniss to marry me, and now kids? After what we've been through I don't have a chance of hell of convincing her to have kids. And you? You have everything and you don't deserve any of it."

At that comment, Gale turned to face Peeta. His upper lip curled in fury. "Do you think I don't know that? You think I don't thank God every fucking day that she didn't leave me before now? I've never pretended to be a saint, Peeta. I love my wife, so don't you act so high and mighty with me. You don't know what I've been through."

The blonde cackled loudly. "Are you trying to say that what you've been through has been more detrimental than what the rest of us have suffered through? Not only have I survived two hunger games, lost a leg in the process, but also I was tortured by the fucking capitol. I almost killed Katniss because of it, the woman I love. Everyday I face those flashbacks and so does she, but we fight off our demons together." He ran a hand through his hair, and took a deep breath. "I know you won't even tell Madge what you've seen, well not unless you've knocked back a few. She worries a lot about you. Always has. Even back in District Twelve. That woman has loved you her entire life. Even your own wife has had her fair share of trauma. She's dealt with pain and suffering her entire life with her own mother. You want to add to that? You want her to devote the rest of her life to taking care of you too? You don't have the decency to go get some goddamn help? You are pathetic, Gale Hawthorne. Pathetic." He annunciated every syllable in the last few sentences he spoke.

Gale tightened his fists on top of the table, but did nothing. He was right after all; Gale was pathetic. Completely and utterly pathetic. Totally unworthy of the love and life his wife had given him, but it wasn't like him to thank Peeta of all people for giving him the tough love he needed and deserved. Hell, he deserved worse, much worse. "Why again should I be thankful that you're here?"

Peeta grinned. "Well, when Katniss got a call from a runaway pregnant Madge informing her of her reasons for leaving you, she was pretty much in a fury. In fact, she wanted me to sock you in the face for her. I assured Madge that I would not be doing that. Oh, and when Thom heard that she was in the district and eventually figured out why, he almost hopped on the next train to District Two to give you a piece of his mind, and by that I mean his fist. You made a lot of enemies the moment you broke Madge Undersee's heart." Peeta trailed off. "So you are very lucky that I am here instead of those two… Or your mother. Now _that_ would be entertaining to see."

Gale groaned, remembering his wife's words.

_Don't worry I won't tell your mother._

Was she kidding? How could he not worry? His wife and their unborn son had left him. Gone. And despite the fact that she had assured him that she would return again, his stomach was still in knots over the possibility that she could change her mind and he would never see her again. He would never get the chance to meet his son. _That_ was worthy of his worry, not whether or not his mother knew that her son was a complete fuck-up. In comparison, his mother's wrath didn't hold a candle to the fact that he may spend the rest of his life alone, having ruined his only chance at a happy life with the love of his life and their child.

But then he recalled Peeta's words. _The moment you broke __**Madge Undersee**__'s heart. _

"You called her Madge Undersee," Gale slurred, his hands flat in front of him on the table.

Peeta shook his head. "No I didn't."

The drunken broken man slammed his hands down onto the table. "Yes you did. Did she tell you why she signed the letter like that? Is she divorcing me?"

Peeta examined the man before him. His eyes were open wide, as if he was suddenly sobered by the idea that his wife may be already lost to him. He was searching his face for any clues he could find, scanning wildly, but she hadn't said anything to Peeta. In fact, Peeta hadn't even known that she had left Gale a letter in the first place. He had assumed she had left no clues to her whereabouts until Peeta himself had arrived, a living clue himself.

"If I did say Undersee it's only because she'll always be an Undersee to me."

Gale's jaw tightened. "Are you trying to say that you didn't approve of our marriage? Is that what you're trying to say Mellark?"

Again the blonde shook his head. "Gale, I'm trying to say that she will always be Madge Undersee to me because I've known her by her maiden name my entire life. I'm sure you don't always say Katniss _Mellark _now do you and I know it's not because you don't approve of us." Peeta pushed his chair up and stood, towering over Gale now. "You need to grow up and stop trying to pick a fight with me. The only person you should be picking fights with is yourself." He bent down to grab the bag he had came with. "Where am I going to be staying? I know you can't actually lead me there so just give me the directions and I'm sure I'll find it."

Gale's eyes were downcast, but he gave up the information anyway. "It's upstairs and the second door on the right. It's the guest room; it's set up. Sometimes Madge sleeps there when… Well you can guess when." A bitter laugh escaped his lips. How fucking pathetic was it that his wife had her own other bedroom, for when she needed to be away from him? It was like every single sign was in front of him, screaming at him that he was pathetic and needed to get his shit straightened out, but he chose to ignore all of them. All for his stupid pride. And now he didn't even have that. He was reduced to completely nothing and left with nothing as well.

At the sound of Peeta's steps on the stairs, he allowed himself to look around the house and be reminded of his wife. His body ached for her. For everything from her silky smooth hair running between his fingers to the swell of her stomach. He loved when she held his hand over her stomach, lacing her fingers above his. Together _they_ had created that. He was _theirs _and they were each other's. But now? Gale didn't know whom she belonged to. Did she still belong to him?The change in her last name didn't imply that. A sob escaped his mouth and he didn't care if Peeta heard him because the idea that Madge may be gone forever was a good enough reason to be reduced to tears.

He knew that he would always belong to her; she would always have his heart. That's exactly how it felt, as if he was heartless. A hole left within his chest. Organs failing left and right without the muscle that kept them alive. His whole body ached because of it. So did the place where his heart should have been. After all, it was only a phantom pain, his brain feeling pain in a place that wasn't there anymore. It was in District Twelve with his broken-hearted wife and there wasn't much he could do about it.

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**Reviews are always welcome! :)**

**Thanks for reading!**


	5. Phone Call

**I know I take so long with this story, but I hope to be a bit better now. There's only a few more chapters left. **

**Thank you for sticking around!**

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Chapter Five

The two men sat across from each other, separated by the kitchen table. Peeta's eyes were back to their unnaturally kind state, while Gale tried to avoid eye contact. Part of him was embarrassed that the muffin man of all people had gotten the pleasure of seeing him hit rock bottom, while the other half was just too prideful to say sorry after how long it had been. Peeta and Gale had spent an entire week in silence. After a few minutes he couldn't stand the baker's gaze any longer.

"Okay I'm sorry! I'm an asshole and that's why she left me. I'm a selfish piece of shit. You're right I don't deserve any of the amazing things I have now. I deserve to live alone in a fucking shed out in the woods, not even in the woods because I like the woods. Somewhere barren, maybe some arctic wasteland or a desert. I have fucked up in life and to be perfectly honest with you Mellark I have no fucking idea how to get it back on track. She's gone and you're the only person I have left, even though I'm pretty sure I fucked that up too." Now that Gale's started he can't stop and the more he talks the more broken up he gets about the whole thing. He speaks extensively about how he's let down the person he loves the most in the world. His wife. His Madge. His everything. He tells Peeta stories of their newlywed years. About what happened when Madge told him he was going to be a father. Peeta laughs at all the appropriate parts and frowns when necessary as well.

"You know I've never told her about my time with the Mockingjay Militia. I just never could. Those were two separate worlds and I never wanted to bring any of that home. Madge is all light. This beautiful, pure, being to me. How could I tell her that I remember every single person I've killed. That when I close my eyes I see the looks on their faces right when they died. That I can't sleep sometimes knowing I was the cause of that look. Of their deaths. How can I tell that beautiful woman all that? She's-She's-" When the tears threaten to start spilling, Gale takes a deep breath and looks away from Peeta. He can't see him like this.

Peeta gives him a look of understanding before standing up. "Would you like me to call Madge? I think it'd do you both some good to talk." As he passes Gale, Peeta reassuringly pats his shoulder. Gale's thankful that Peeta is a forgiving and patient person.

He can hear Peeta in the other room, speaking low and after a few mintues he returns, phone in hand. He offers the phone to Gale and heads to the guest bedroom to give Gale some privacy.

Gale sighs, before bringing the phone to his ear. "Hello," he says trying not to sound as sad as he really is. She doesn't need to feel guilty for the way he's feeling. For the way he deserves to be feeling. It's not her fault. It's his.

"Hi Gale." Her voice is like coming home to him. This house is nothing without the sound of her voice coming from within it. Without the sound of her padding on the hardwood floors. "How are you? Peeta said-Are you doing okay?" He wondered exactly what had Peeta said to her.

He takes a deep breath before continuing, "I miss you is all, Maddie." A sad smile forms on his face and he's sure the emotion is evident in his voice. Maddie is what he called her when he was feeling particularly affectionate toward her, which was quite often. His feet bring him to their bedroom and he walks in, sitting on her side, which he hasn't allowed himself to touch prior to this moment. He couldn't bring himself to alter any memory of her, anything attached to her, just in case she never came back and that's all he had left of her.

"I miss you too, Gale." She pauses and all Gale can hear is her steady breathing. It's comforting to him to say the least. "What do you miss?" She's fishing for compliments, for the reassurance that he's been missing her. He knows this and it makes no difference to him. If she wants to hear him recite every reason why he misses her then so be it. He'll play along. He wants to play along.

"Well, I miss your laugh, how you grip your knee when a joke particularly tickles your fancy making yours eyes crinkle. I miss the way you smell, like roses and lavender mixed into one and how I think you smell better than any perfume out there. I also like how it sticks to everything you've ever touched because it really helps when I'm feeling really low, like now. Your pillow smells so much like you when I'm about to fall asleep and my eyes are closed it's almost like you're here with me. I miss taking showers with you, and how it takes us twice as long than when we take them separately. I miss seeing you grow each and every day. I really miss that, along with rubbing and kissing your belly. I miss your kisses. Falling asleep next to you every night and waking up to you every morning. I miss seeing your sleepy face in the morning. You look so cute. I miss how grumpy you are with me in the mornings too and how making love in the morning makes you a whole lot less grumpy. I miss the way you look at me while we're making love. Your eyes so filled with love it always makes my heart skip a beat." By this point tears are freely falling down his face and he's sure it's getting a lot harder for Madge to understand what he's saying, but she doesn't say anything. She doesn't stop for clarification. She wouldn't need any clarifications anyway. Madge had always known what Gale was thinking and feeling even before he knew himself; she was intuitive like that.

"Gale?" Her voice was small and soft, as if she were about to ask a question that had an answer she wasn't sure she wanted to know. The fact that she was crying as well was not lost on him, but she was trying to hide it anyway. Her efforts were very much wasted. He could still hear the sniffles, even if she turned her head away from the phone when she breathed through her nose. Her voice always gave her away. It got a smidgen lower and the words that formed her sentences were spread out more than normal. There were a lot of pauses as well.

"Yeah?" He answered back, wiping the tears off his face.

"Have you been doing better? Peeta told me you two weren't talking for a bit."

A bit made it sound like it was a couple of days at most. A week was a lot longer than a bit. He would thank Peeta for that later. If Madge knew he had stopped talking to Peeta, a guest in their house, and a great friend for taking time out of his own life to care and be there for a friend, who didn't really like him that much to begin with then she'd have his ass. Scolding him for being so rude to Peeta who didn't deserve such treatment. Gale knew it was true too. Peeta was a stand up guy even if he was kind of a goody two shoes. He would be so lucky to have Madge scold him for being rude to Mellark, just to have her in front of him, near him.

"Well I-I I've been doing a lot better. I've been getting to work on time and getting everything done early too. Boss noticed too, so I guess I've been doing something right. He's very willing to give me paternity leave for a while when the baby's born too, since I've been doing so well. He said I could take a bit longer if I work from home, not a lot just some so I'm not so swamped when I come back. Not so much that I won't be able to help you or nothing. I don't know if you'd want that or if you'll be back in District Two by then, but yeah."

"Don't take this the wrong way, but I was thinking about having the baby here, in District Twelve. Your mom offered to help since I'm new at this and all. I could use all the help I can get, don't you think?"

Gale couldn't help but want to cry all over again. Was this some nice way for Madge to say she didn't want him at the birth? She had always been too kind for her own good.

Was this the straw that broke the camel's back so she was finally done with him, babying him with his inability to speak or deal with his problems as an adult?

"Oh," was all he said though. If that's what she really wanted, Gale would support her. She deserved his support since there wasn't much more he could give her without failing in the long run.

"It's just that my mother's not around anymore and your mother's happy to step in to help me with the adjustment period. Katniss and Thom too. Most of our friends and family are here and I think it'd be nice to have them around-"

He stopped her before she could continue. "I understand Madge."

She started up again. "You're going to come here too, right? I mean only if you want. Work is important too. I was just wondering." Her voice went back to being small again. Afraid of rejection, though for the life of him Gale couldn't figure out why. Gale wanted a family. It had always been his dream to have a big family and this child was the start of it. How could he not want to see his first unborn child? He could hardly stand being away from his wife and their son now and he wasn't even born yet.

"Oh yeah, definitely." It felt like a weight was lifted off his shoulders; he could finally breathe again.

They continued talking all throughout the night until Madge was too sleepy to continue and fell asleep on the phone. That didn't stop Gale from listening to her slow and steady breathing from the other line. When he closed his eyes, he could almost feel her body next to his. Her breathing mixed with her scent on her pillow was more comforting than he could imagine, but it was her body that made all the difference. The way her small body fit perfectly with his much bigger frame. It wasn't the same if he couldn't muzzle his nose into her neck and plant feather-light kisses all over her graceful neck. Since he had learned she was pregnant, one hand was always on her stomach, rubbing it soothingly, loving the way it felt under his fingertips. All of these details reminded him that she wasn't here with him, thus reminding him of why she had left in the first place. These constant reminders helped to keep him in check. He could only hope they would continue to help when or if she ever returned.

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**Reviews are much appreciated and will help me churn out the next installment a lot faster!**


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